I wish I knew

Theres this saying that we are a sum of all our past experiences. I tend to agree.

I believe it is through these experiences that we feel a whole load of feelings. We develop perceptions and understanding of the way things are. We associate value to certain things. It can even strike fear at the possibility of re-experiencing a similar experience.

Sometimes things happen so repeatedly, that it is hard not to believe that a higher being is trying to tell you something. I wish I have the answer. On second thought, I do believe I have the answer. My question is, how do I carry it out? for I am human, theres only so much that i can withstand and theres only so much that I can do.

Its alot easier to say that these is what one should do, but teach me how to do it or at the very least give me the strength to do it.

At the moment, Kelly Clarkson echoes my current sentiment perfectly about our past experiences shaping who we are today. I am indeed afraid to even try again. And yet, on the other hand, God tells me that I am not even supposed to try again.

I wish I knew why I am being punished. I wish I knew how I can experience happiness without feeling guilt.

Because Of You"

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you